The Independent Child
The desire for most parents is that as a child grows he/she will outgrow total dependency upon them and will begin to do things on his/her own. A parent certainly doesn’t want to continue for years doing simple chores that their child could do.
From the time a child is born, life changes. After the baby showers, looking at adorable outfits and all the gifts that were given and the excitement of decorating the baby’s room, comes the reality of raising a baby that is dependent on a mother and father for everything! It’s a brand new experience for almost all new parents.
I remember a nurse telling me, “When you take your baby home from the hospital remember it’s a 24 hour a day job for the rest of your life!” She was sort of kidding. However, I remember those famous words as I sat rocking my baby at 3 in the morning, feeding him every other hour, changing diapers, fixing formula’s, etc. My child was totally dependent upon me. As he took his bottle and looked so lovingly at me, I held him close and thought, ‘I will be here for you forever and ever, 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.’
As your child grows you have certain expectations. Baby books are plentiful and most parents want to learn if their child is developing physically, mentally and emotionally. It is important to know signs of a problem and to seek medical advice when there is a concern. You will know when your child begins to understand what you are saying to him/her. At this time you will become the greatest teacher your child will ever have. What you teach will influence him/her for the rest of his/her life.
How do you teach a child to be independent? When do you start? What is the best way to influence him/her?
Anything that your child could do by himself and you do it for him is making that child dependent upon you. When a child is just beginning to walk you certainly don’t expect a great deal from him, other than following directions that teach him/her to be safe. However, when a child is able to do little chores like picking up his toys or clothes, a parent should teach him/her how to do it. As the child grows older he should be able dress himself and do things around the house that a parent feels he/she can do. Children love to set tables, clear the table, do dishes, help with baking and decorate their rooms, etc. It takes time for a parent to teach these things that will make him/her independent. The time that you take teaching is invaluable. You cannot expect a child to wake up one morning and begin doing all those things that you wish he/she could. You cannot get upset with your child if you’ve never taught him/her what you expect from them.
Although it sounds ridiculous, I believe parents could learn about love, discipline and determination by watching a bear with it’s cubs, or an elephant with her baby. They have an inborn instinct to protect their young even if it costs them their lives.
There are ways to teach. I spoke about negative and positive disciplining before. Now I’m going to discuss a couple ways that I believe are the wrong ways to teach to teach your child to be independent.
I’m going to include two verses from the Bible that directly teaches how we should handle children.
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From the time a child is born, life changes. After the baby showers, looking at adorable outfits and all the gifts that were given and the excitement of decorating the baby’s room, comes the reality of raising a baby that is dependent on a mother and father for everything! It’s a brand new experience for almost all new parents.
I remember a nurse telling me, “When you take your baby home from the hospital remember it’s a 24 hour a day job for the rest of your life!” She was sort of kidding. However, I remember those famous words as I sat rocking my baby at 3 in the morning, feeding him every other hour, changing diapers, fixing formula’s, etc. My child was totally dependent upon me. As he took his bottle and looked so lovingly at me, I held him close and thought, ‘I will be here for you forever and ever, 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.’
As your child grows you have certain expectations. Baby books are plentiful and most parents want to learn if their child is developing physically, mentally and emotionally. It is important to know signs of a problem and to seek medical advice when there is a concern. You will know when your child begins to understand what you are saying to him/her. At this time you will become the greatest teacher your child will ever have. What you teach will influence him/her for the rest of his/her life.
How do you teach a child to be independent? When do you start? What is the best way to influence him/her?
Anything that your child could do by himself and you do it for him is making that child dependent upon you. When a child is just beginning to walk you certainly don’t expect a great deal from him, other than following directions that teach him/her to be safe. However, when a child is able to do little chores like picking up his toys or clothes, a parent should teach him/her how to do it. As the child grows older he should be able dress himself and do things around the house that a parent feels he/she can do. Children love to set tables, clear the table, do dishes, help with baking and decorate their rooms, etc. It takes time for a parent to teach these things that will make him/her independent. The time that you take teaching is invaluable. You cannot expect a child to wake up one morning and begin doing all those things that you wish he/she could. You cannot get upset with your child if you’ve never taught him/her what you expect from them.
Although it sounds ridiculous, I believe parents could learn about love, discipline and determination by watching a bear with it’s cubs, or an elephant with her baby. They have an inborn instinct to protect their young even if it costs them their lives.
There are ways to teach. I spoke about negative and positive disciplining before. Now I’m going to discuss a couple ways that I believe are the wrong ways to teach to teach your child to be independent.
- Doing nothing! This really is the easiest way for a lot of parents. The parents believe the world is for experimentation and that a child should be allowed to learn on his/her own through trial and error. It probably will bring frustration on the part of the parents for a few years, but they believe they are developing their child to be independent. Doing nothing relieves the parent of the responsibility of teaching them right from wrong.
I remember one parent telling me that she would never tell her child to say ‘thank you’ , ‘please’, ‘I’m sorry’ etc. She felt she would be imposing on his true feelings. She went on to say, perhaps he didn’t really feel thankful or remorseful and she didn’t want him to grow up ‘lying’ about how he really felt. Consequently, this child was never taught the type of manners that are expected in our society. This child basically did what he wanted with little feelings about others. The mother, doing nothing, felt she was doing right.
- Being too strict! There are parents who rule the roost! A child is to follow their rules every day with no variance. The personalities of these children vary from being extremely timid to being overly aggressive in their behavior. They are not allowed to express their feelings and begin to question whether they are loved. This is a difficult atmosphere for a child. A child must follow and do as the parent tells them. They will learn quickly to follow rigid rules to become independent.
I’m going to include two verses from the Bible that directly teaches how we should handle children.
Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (KJV)
Ephesians 6:4 “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture (training) and admonition of the Lord.” (KJV)
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