This post is designed to give you some practical, real-life examples of how to implement some basic training techniques that use positive discipline. Everyone has different views on discipline, but I have found these to work well for teaching children not just to simply do what you say, but to learn how to be observant and caring to those around them.

Listening and Understanding

I read somewhere years ago that anytime you do something that your child can do, you are hindering in his/her growth. Do you feel your child doesn’t hear a word you’re saying?

Have you ever thought that perhaps he/she really can’t? If you feel you are instructing your child constantly and he/she walks away from you, take him/her to your doctor and have his/her hearing tested. If your child begins to make low guttural sounds as he/she is learning to speak, he/she may be partially deaf. Your child may be hearing vibrations from your voice but can’t clearly pronounce the sound.

Try this:
When you give instruction make sure your child is by you. Have him repeat your instruction so he/she knows what you are asking. Always make him/her do as you asked.

A sad story was told about a young woman who lost her little boy. According to the woman her son had always been a child who had a ‘mind of his own’. He never listened to her and it upset her terribly. On this particular morning he wanted to go outside to ride his tricycle. She told him that he needed to wait for her because they lived near a road that was heavily traveled. She walked into the kitchen to finish dishes and heard the front door open. She ran to the door to see her young son riding his tricycle toward the road. She saw a semi-truck coming down the road and called loudly and frantically to her son. He turned and smiled and continued right into the path of the semi.

If you feel you have a child that is stubborn and has ‘a mind of his/her own’, you must be consistent with your instructions. He/she will need special guidance and it will require patience. He/she needs to know that what you ask must be obeyed.

Private Property

Does your child open kitchen cupboards without your permission or get into things that he or she shouldn't? This is not just a matter of learning to respect the property of others, but there are also might be hazardous especially if children do this outside of the safety of your own home.

Try this:
Tell your child you are going to give him/her a very a special cupboard. Sit down with him/her and choose a couple of your old pans and lids. You can go to garage sales and choose inexpensive items that could be put in the cupboard. Your instructions have to be clear and understandable. Tell your child your cupboards belong to you and he may not open them up. Help him/her organize his/her own cupboard and tell him/her that when he is finished playing in his cupboard he/she must put everything away. You may have to help him/her put things away until he/she learns it is his/her responsibility.
If your child still continues to open “your” cupboards, calmly lead him to his cupboard and review instructions.

You probably are thinking, “I don’t have any extra cupboards!!” If you can’t spare one of yours, take a box and make a pretend cupboard. You can decorate it with contact paper.

When you explain instructions of any kind make sure you have his/her full attention and you and your child are not upset. Lean down to his level so you are looking into his eyes. Cup his face gently into your hands and tell him the instruction. Ask him/her if he understands what you are saying. If he acts like he doesn’t, repeat your instruction again.

Selfishness

Does your child demand you buy him/her something when you go into a store? Usually a child believes that when they go into a store he/she is going to get something. Many a parent has given into a child who is demanding.

Try this:
Before you go anywhere, tell your child where you are going. You may go over some things that you feel are important. (Examples: You may want to tell your child to stay close to you for you don’t want him/her to get lost. You may want to tell him/her that people do not shout in a store, run, etc.) If you do not plan on buying anything for your child that day, tell me before you leave. Make it clear. If he/she begins to plead with you in the store, gently lean down to him/her and remind him/her what you said before you left. If he/she continues to ‘complain’, take the cart up to a clerk and tell her you will be back. Take hold of your child’s hand and walk to the car. If crying happens as you leave the store, it is okay. Now you need to talk to him about what you told him/her before you left. Review your expectations again and ask him/her if he/she is ready to return to the store.

Your child will learn very quickly that what you say you mean. Of course, this is the goal of ‘disciplining’. You want your child to listen and respond correctly to your directions.

Cleanliness

Is your child’s room and other areas of your home a mess because of toys everywhere?

Try this:
Have a large container or containers marked “toys”. Place them where you feel they are needed. Tell your child that all toys will be put away in the toy box/boxes. Now that sounds rather elementary. Most all parents have a toy container somewhere in their child’s room. However, now it is time to make sure that the container/containers are actually used.

Buy a timer. Tell your child what you plan to do with the timer. It is to be a bell that tells him/her when it is time to pick up his/her toys. Set the timer for 15 minutes or whatever time you would like. This will give time to finish playing with what they may be playing with. Now tell your child you are going to reset it again and see how fast he/she can pick up the toys. Make it exciting and compliment him/her as she is trying to pick everything up before the timer goes off again.

You will have the responsibility to make sure your child completes what you ask of him/her. If your child refuses and will not cooperate, gently take him to a toy, take his hand firmly and help him pick it up and take it to the container. You must be firm and let him know that he/she will pick everything up. You are teaching him/her to be responsible for the things he/she has.

Does your child understand what “clean up your room” really means?

A ten year old boy wrote this down when the teacher asked the entire class to write down things they have learned. His reply was, “I’ve learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again.”

Small children really don’t understand “clean up your room”. You know exactly what it means. You’d like toys put away, clothes picked up, their bed straightened and everything off the floor. This to you is ‘clean’. However, a child may get a pail of water and soap and believe they must pour it all over the floor. Maybe they think if they had a hose they could hose it down so it would be ‘clean’. We believe that our concept of clean, which has taken awhile to learn, is something a child is born with.

Try this:
Show your child what your idea of ‘clean’ is. For the first couple of weeks or maybe longer, help him/her organize the room each day. Let him/her have a say in where things should go. After all, it is his/her room and may have an idea of how it should look. You can suggest and help him place things. Don’t take it for granted that the one time you help him that he has been trained for a lifetime. Daily check the room and help him. Show him/her that you care. Tell him/her that you are very proud when they begin to do it themselves.

There are charts that can be bought quite inexpensively that can be put up. These charts have a series of jobs written on them and a place where a sticker can be placed next to the job that is completed. If you decide to do something like this it is very important that you are faithful in seeing that the jobs are really completed.

Temper Tantrums

Do you know what a ‘temper tantrum’ is? The temperament of each child is different. There are children who can accept any direction without much trouble. Then there are children who do not want to be told what to do. They try to become the teacher in the family. They decide it is time to let you know what they can do if you don’t let them have their way! The result is a so called ‘temper tantrum.'

Examples of different types of tantrums:
  • There is the child who cries and screams.
  • There is the child who becomes destructive and breaks things.
  • There is the child who bites and kicks.
  • There is the child who throws things.
  • There is the child who hits his head against a wall or floor.
  • There is the child who holds his breath until he turns blue.
  • There is the child who throws himself on the floor and kicks with his feet and strikes out with his hands.
  • There is the child who stares at you and doesn’t say a thing.

Children are very clever. They have never picked up a book and read about ‘temper tantrums.' It is by trial and error they choose an action they know will upset you. The main objection of your child is for you to give in to his/her demand. He wants your sympathy and to feel bad about what you did.

Try this:
First, you should make sure there is no medical reason why your child misbehaves.

When you feel your child is out of control, perhaps just putting him/her in his room will work. When he/she has calmed down, always explain to him/her what was done that you did not approve of. Make it clear that his/her behavior was unacceptable.

In a situation where you or your child may be in physical danger, you may try the following. Take the child and hold him firmly. Straddle him/her on the floor so he is unable to move, put your arms around him and hold him/her tightly. Now you will be close to his ear and you can talk to him calmly. You may say something like this. “Whatever you do, no matter how hard and loud you cry, kick or hit, you are going to do as I ask. There is no way you are going to get your way. I am going to hold you, no matter how long it takes. Do you understand?”

You are going to be firm. If he/she is screaming, you still continue talking with a calm and steady voice in his/her ear. Your child must know that you are in control and will not allow this type of behavior. When your child has calmed down you can release him/her. It is time to tell him/her why you did what you did. You may ask him what he thinks he did wrong. Remember you are ‘training’. If you feel it is necessary for him to sit in a ‘naughty’ chair that is up to you. However, he /she must know that what he/she did was wrong and is not acceptable.


Your child may be kicking and crying and has put himself on the floor.

Try this:

Walk over him! Continue on with your activities. Remain calm. When he has calmed down, and it may take time for he wants you to really know how horrible you have made him feel, talk calmly to him. Again say something like this, “Regardless of how you act you will not get out of following my directions. Do you understand? Wait until he/she says or nods his head, “yes”. Tell him/her you do not like that kind of behavior and it has to stop. If you must, repeat several times until he/she knows how you feel. Ask him to do what it was that began this fiasco in the first place. Make sure he does it!

What if you are at a restaurant and your child becomes loud and unruly?

Try this:

Before you go to a restaurant explain where you are going. Table manners should be taught at home and he/she should know how to sit at a table. If he/she misbehaves in a way that you feel is inappropriate, excuse yourself, take your child to the restroom. Tell your child how you want him to behave. Return and see if your child listened and follows your direction.

Correcting a child is courageous in today’s society. Parents feel embarrassed to think they must ‘train’ in public. However, a few times of correction will usually cure bad behavior. If a child knows you are serious and follow through with your ‘expectations’, he’ll/she’ll soon realize that you will not give in to his/her bad behavior.

Lying

Have you ever caught your child telling you a lie?

Children can act very innocent when caught in a lie. One of the reasons they deny what they have done is because they don’t want to be scolded or blamed. It is also embarrassing for them to be caught and found out. We would like to believe that everyone tells the truth. However, I don’t believe there is a child or adult alive who hasn’t lied sometime or other.

Try this:
Through evidence you have, make it known to your child that you know he/she is not telling the truth. This isn’t a time to think it is okay or cute. You want to make sure that your child knows that lying is very serious. It is not a time for condemning or belittling your child. Tell your child that you want him/her to always come to you because you love him/her. You want the truth always because it is the right thing to do.

Stealing

Has your child ever taken anything that isn’t his/hers?

My brother put a small comb in his pocket when we were in a store. On the way home he put his hand in his pocket and made a noise by taking his thumb over the teeth of the comb. He looked at me and smiled. We were sitting in the back of the car. My mother heard the noise and asked him what he had. He sheepishly took it out and showed her. Dad was driving the car. Without saying a word, my dad turned the car around and went back to the store. He took my brother by his hand, went into the store, asked for the manager and my brother stood before the manager and explained that he had taken the comb without paying for it. That lesson, without anger, without too many words, came through plain and clear. ‘Stealing’ was not an acceptable thing to do.

As a teenager I worked in a small grocery store. I was alone when I saw a young boy take a jar of peanuts and put it under his shirt and walk out. I ran after him, stopped him, and asked if he was going to pay for the peanuts. At first he lied to me and said he didn’t know what I was talking about. I told him to open his shirt so I could see. At that he gave me the jar of peanuts and ran off. Years later a young man stopped me on the street. He asked me if I remembered him. At first I didn’t and then he told me how he had taken a jar of peanuts years earlier and I had caught him. He began to tell me that I had saved him from a life of crime. He had taken several items without getting caught before the incident with me. After he was caught he said he never took anything again in his life.

Try this:
Stealing is a crime. Your child should be taught that this is a very serious thing. The consequences could be very harmful to him/her. If you feel a child has the tendency to ‘take’ things, it is important that you have him return the items and apologize.

I hope these ideas have been helpful. Please feel free to leave a comment with tips that have helped you when training your children.